My husband was in Afghanistan for the first ten months of my daughter’s life. When he returned home and gave our daughter a bath for the first time he shocked to see that she kept touching herself and trying to see what was down there. He freaked out about and I never thought much about it, I figured she was just curious, she was a curious bab
y. At my daughter’s one month check-up I asked her pediatrician if it was normal and she assured me there was nothing to be concerned about.
My daughter is about to be three and still manages trying to self-exam herself from time to time or just touch randomly and it freaks my husband out still. Friends of mine said it’s just a phase and their kids do it too, especially the ones with young boys.
But… the last thing a parent wants to think about or worry about is their children engaging in what is considered a sexual behavior especially when they are out in public.
If you’re intrigued about why I am writing about this, well, my reasoning is quite simple. We have discussed sex education in terms of children learning in school and parents needing to play a role in teaching as well. Parents need to educate themselves appropriately for each and every age. By understanding how talking to a child affects them may make a world of a difference on the outcome of a specific situation and perhaps how they engage with us later about private circumstances.
Take situations A and B into consideration after reading this story and how the child may feel.
Situation A: A young boy, age 4, is in the middle of a crowded store with his hands down his pants blatantly touching himself. His mother runs up embarrassed as people walking by take notice. She quickly runs over and strokes his behind and shouts “stop that right now it’s disgusting”.
Situation B: A young boy, age 4, is in the middle of a crowded store with his hands down his pants blatantly touching himself. His mother approaches him kneels down and whispers in his ear “please take your hands out of your pants and help mommy finish shopping”.
Situation A draws even more attention to the situation and makes the child feel as if they did something really wrong. In reality, did he? After all, we are sexual beings it’s only natural. Situation B the mother meets the child down as his level making it more comfortable and private. The mother is able to address what is going on and potentially draw his attention to something else.
As a parent I ask:
How do we know what is normal?
How do we differentiate normal developmentally appropriate from abusive and violent behaviors?
Can we prevent our children from engaging in certain behaviors in public without shaming them?
I believe the answer is simple: Educate ourselves, our friends, and our families.
We can learn to tell if there is an actual problem to identify or if our children are engaging in normal sexual behaviors consistent with their age groups.
“Reassurance and guidance about normal sexual behaviors can allay questions and concerns that many parents may have. A 3-year-old who begins to masturbate before falling asleep may simply have discovered a self-soothing technique, may have seen the genitals of a new sibling, or may be responding to the stress of returning to his or her mother's house after a weekend visit with his or her father. Appropriate parental responses are key to managing such behaviors. The assessment of a child with sexual behavior problems may reveal a home environment characterized by abuse, neglect, or interpersonal violence. Sexual behavior problems in children who remain in such homes will be difficult to treat and manage. If the safety of the child is at risk, child protective services may place the child in alternative care, and sexual behaviors may escalate. Many children with sexual behavior problems will require referral to therapists for further assessment and treatment.”(Kellogg, 2013)
Perhaps, developing a trusting relationship at an early age and expressing sincere interest in children’s behavior will allow us to appropriately address the challenging issues later in life.
References:
Kellogg, N. (2013, June 24). Clinical Report—The Evaluation of Sexual Behaviors in Children. . Retrieved June 24, 2014, from http://pediatrics.
Masturbation. (2014, January 1). HealthyChildren.org. Retrieved June 24, 2014, from http://www.healthychildren.
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