50 Shades of Grey is an absolute hit! It's titillating, sensual, and features an erotic romance between a Jane Everygirl and her hunky, kinky beau. The couple engages heavily in BDSM, including, but not limited to, bondage, flogging, and the insertion of ben wa balls. It captured the hearts and the imaginations of millions of men and women alike, and has had almost as strong a negative as well as positive. Why is this? Poor writing and characters aside, 50 Shades completely misrepresents BDSM culture by masquerading the main couple's abusive relationship as being the portrait of those who engage in BDSM. But, if 50 Shades isn't what the typical portrayal of BDSM culture, then what is?

            BDSM is all about trust and consent (not literally signing away your sexual autonomy over to a stranger, literally), so much so that the community's manta is "safe, sane, and consensual". Though BDSM tends to get a bad rep for being grossly kinky and a thing to be ashamed of for enjoying, absolutely nothing is done without a partner's full consent, and should something get too out of hand--such as something hurts too much, or if either partner isn't feeling it--safewords are always, ALWAYS heeded and never brushed away (here's looking at you, Grey). BDSM play creates a scene of complete trust, and a scenario where it's always, always okay to say no, or to stop an act. A popular practice in the BDSM community, especially after an act, is aftercare. Engaging in BDSM can be exhausting for both the body and the mind, and in such times, aftercare is taken very seriously, and aftercare helps a partner recover after a session. Aftercare can be anything counting as a "cool down": cuddling, kissing, and even just gentle talking can help either partner. Aftercare, at it's very core, is simply the willingness to be there for your partner, even after the act. It's a motion to show your partner that you care.

            BDSM is heavily concerned with safety and consent, and no act is done without concern for the other partner. Safewords are always heeded, and aftercare is always ready to help mend either--or both--partners. What BDSM is not is roping a questioning partner into a contract-binding relationship, and using that person as a personal toy. BDSM is not "consent-optional", and needless to say, 50 Shades version of BDSM is not safe, sane, or entirely consensual.

Resources:

http://www.buzzfeed.com/annanorth/7-tips-for-safe-and-happy-bdsm-sex

http://www.evilmonk.org/a/meijer.cfm

http://chicomunch.com/publ/basic_info_about_bdsm/bdsm_101_subspace_aftercare_and_sub_drop_and_sometimes_top_drop/1-1-0-23