So, over the course of the class, we've discussed the act of coming out, and it's importance in the LGBT+ community. I kind of wanted to expand on that, share my own coming out story, plus reasons why members of the community might feel the need to "come out of the closet", and what to do should a friend come out to you!

            My own coming out was a supposed to be a passive one--in my first year at UAF, I was planned actually sending my parents a powerpoint presentation with my coming out. I thought it was fool-proof--I wouldn't have to actually see or talk to my parents, nor would I have to until winter break, and honestly, that was enough for me! However, whenever I thought about actually sending it, I chickened out and ended up deleting. I didn't come out until last summer, and that. Wasn't even of my own will, to be honest. I had (foolishly) left my email open on my family's main computer and in my emails, I was discussing with my teacher about some issues I had over the semester, but I had said that I'd feel and do better next year as my girlfriend would be in Fairbanks with me. My mom found the email, printed it out, and waited until midnight that night to confront me about it. I remember really fuzzily, probably because it was so thickly clouded by nerves, since she came into my room, urgently whispered, "I need to talk to you," and disappeared. I thought it had something to do with our family (I was kind of right), and when I went to her room, she asked me, flat out, if I was gay, and handed my the email. And to be honest, I was still trying to think of a way to wriggle out of it and pretend I was straight for a little while longer.

            In the end, I came out as pansexual, my momma was very accepting, I cried, she cried, everything was pretty okay!

            And I think somewhere in there is the reason why members of the LGBT+ community feel the need to announce their sexuality. I know for me, and many other members of the community, when heterosexuality is assumed upon you, it's hard to constantly watch yourself and keep up the facade. It's hard to describe your secret datemates as just friends. It's also hard, however, to think about coming out when there are so many risks. Your family and friends may not be accepting, and at the very worst, may grow violent/angry at you, and possibly leave you without a home. While coming out is very freeing and is a matter of self-validation as well, there's such a large risk that many members feel that they can't possibly go through with the act.

            But, well, what should you do if a friend chooses to come out to you? It all boils down to:

·         Be respectful--whether it comes as a shock or not, please try to be respectful and nonjudgmental to your friend. Nothing has changed about them--they're still who they are when you first met. All that's happened is that you've learned something new about them.

·         Care about them--coming out is an incredibly difficult and brave thing to do, and it's important to be supportive and loving. Make them feel comfortable and right in having chosen you to come out to.

·         Don't accidentally out them!--this can be pretty hard if you've grown more comfortable with your friend's orientation/identity. Be careful of your wording around mutual friends and family, as they may not know, and there may be a reason for that. Always check with your friend first if there's anything--or anyone--you should avoid, and if others know.

·         Ask questions, if asked first--coming out can be very nerve wrecking for both parties, and it's important to clear the air, and asking questions can help that. However, bombarding your friend with questions can easily stress them out, so it might be best to wait until they've asked if you have any questions. Then, it's best to avoid questions like, "Are you sure?" and "How do you know?"--basically, any question that might bring their own validation and sense of self into question.

            Basically, it's best to be kind and supportive of your friend when coming out! It will mean the world to them, I promise.

Resources!

http://glbtss.colostate.edu/coming-out-to-your-parents

http://www.youthprideri.org/Resources/ComingOutAdviceStoriesArt/WhatToDoWhenYourFriendComesOutToYou/tabid/226/Default.aspx

http://everydayfeminism.com/2012/07/8-things-to-support-gay-friend/