Technology and Intimacy in Long Distance Relationships

Long distance relationships are common among college students and people who travel often for work. Technology helps to facilitate communication and maintain intimacy in long distance relationships. Various remote communication technologies have been prototyped that imitate affective touch, which invokes feelings of intimacy through sensory communication. Such technologies include belts that warm to imitate the feeling of a hug and gloves that imitate hand shakes. Given the importance of social and personal needs for connection, and intimacy’s impact on maintaining physical and mental health, Saadatian et al. (2014) voices the need for designers of affective devices to be concerned with developing technology that facilitates an increase of intimacy in long distance relationships. Due to the significance of kissing for affirming intimacy in romantic relationships, Saadatian et al. aim to develop a prototype for kissenger- a technology that imitates kissing between remote partners. The prototype was designed to sense the duration and intensity of a kiss and communicate that information to a paired device. Affective technology could help to maintain the physical intimacy that long distance relationships lack.

                       Kissenger prototype- Image from Saadatian et al. (2014)

Most people believe that long distance relationships are doomed to fail due to a lack of intimacy and lack of physical and sexual interaction with a partner, but Jennifer Chowdhury reports “studies say that couples who are long distance have a better sex life than most.” Chowdhury claims that having a vivid imagination is key to keeping a long distance romantic relationship alive. She suggests the use of technology in long distance relationships to connect over the phone, via text messaging, or through video chat. To keep a relationship sexual, geographically separated couples can participate in phone sex or web cam strip teases to enjoy the physical aspect their relationship. Partners can send love packages that contain erotic material and sex toys. Chowdhury encourages couples to describe their urges and fantasies to each other.

More tips on maintaining intimacy in a long distance relationship come from Rebecca Marquis and Ellen Scott who encourage couples to write letters and talk daily. Video chat is a technology that can help maintain intimacy by allowing partners to see each other and receive visual communication of emotions even when they are apart. They advise couples to plan visits and set goals for increasing intimacy during visits by planning for physical intimacy or meeting their partner's friends and family members or experiencing their partner’s lifestyle in their home. Sending photos is another way to share experiences with a partner or allow them to see the subject of their affection throughout the day. Watching movies together via Skype or while talking on phone is suggested as an activity for bonding when partners are far away and can be treated like a date. Long distance romantic relationships are tough and can cause stress and wreak emotional havoc, but technology and communication can help facilitate closeness and intimacy with a distanced partner. It is even possible for sexual relationships and physical intimacy to thrive in long distance relationships.

Chowdhury, Jennifer (2008)- http://www.sheknows.com/love-and-sex/articles/804050/keeping-a-long-distance-relationship-red-hot

Marquis, Rebecca- http://www.yourtango.com/2013186020/long-distance-relationship-how-keep-intimacy-alive

Scott, Ellen (2013)- http://collegecandy.com/2013/08/19/long-distance-relationship/

Saadatian et al. (2014) Mediating intimacy in long-distance relationships using kiss messaging. Int. J. Human-Computer Studies. 72: 736-746. http://www.sciencedirect.com.proxy.library.uaf.edu/science/article/pii/S1071581914000718