When I was younger and I first heard of polyamory, I thought it just meant an open relationship. And I thought an open relationship was just a gross excuse for cheating. Admittedly, I stuck with this view for quite a little bit--no one I knew really knew what it meant, so I was never corrected and I stuck with my guns--until about two years ago, where I felt that was a pretty narrow-minded view and decided to wisen up!

            A lot of people mistake polyamory for fancy-speak for an open relationship, but in reality, polyamory deals with actual romantic feelings towards more than one partner, and open relations suggests one solid couple who're comfortable enough with their relationship to have flings with others when needed. Polyamory is also confused for cheating--because not having a monogamous relation means you're bad, right?--and though there are multiple partners, keeping a partner /in secret/ of others would, actually, be cheating. In fact, let's do a little thing where we showcase what is, and what isn't, a healthy poly relationship.

            What is:

·         Harry and Sally are in a relationship with each other. Gertrude is also in a relationship with Sally, and though Gertrude and Harry don't date, they're still friendly and comfortable with each other, and are happy the other is dating Sally.

·         Harry and Sally are in a relationship with each other. Harry is also dating Emma, and sleeping with Darcy and Richard. Sally isn't dating any of these people, but she's comfortable with Harry's involvement with them! Harry is also interested in Yvonne, but he wants to get Sally's approval first.

·         Harry and Sally are in a relationship with each other. They've never been polyamorous before, but they believe their relationship is strong, and would like to share the love. They sit down together and discuss it in great detail, and Harry figures he'd like to be approach Yvonne as a partner. Sally either thinks this is a wonderful idea, or she's skeptical about Yvonne's involvement, but she'd still like to have dinner with Yvonne and Harry to test the waters.

            What it isn't:

·         Harry and Sally are in a monogamous relationship with each other, but they're having a rocky time. Gee, but if they could find a cute bisexual girl, they'd be right as rain!

·         Harry and Sally are in a relationship with each other... But Sally also has four secret partners. They don't know about each other, and Harry doesn't know about them, either.

            (Deluxe Edition of Not Healthy)

·         Harry tries to force Sally into choosing between him, and Gertrude. Whenever Sally spends time with her, and not him, he makes her feel terrible about her choice, and about Gertrude.        

            Polyamory, like many things in life, boils down to trust and consent. As long as communication is there, and everyone involved is comfortable with themselves and their partners, polyamory works.

Resources!

http://queeringthemind.com/2012/06/06/how-to-have-your-cake-and-eat-it-too-5-things-that-make-polyamorous-relationships-work/

http://www.morethantwo.com/polytips.html

http://www.polyamorysociety.org/tools.html