Virtuality...?!...

            Reading Zek Cypress Valkyrie’s article “Cybersexuality in MMORPG’s:  Virtual Sexual Revolution Untapped” (Kimmel, et al) offered this student quite an eye-opening experience.  Literally, had no clue that there were so many participants in “Massive Multiplayer Online Role-Playing Games” interested in, and experiencing virtual cyber ‘hook-ups.’  A number of thoughts surface here, in regards.

1.  Cybersex may provide a healthy outlet for stimulation and release of sexual energies.  Whether one is agoraphobic, or really enjoys jumping into the crowd, sexual MMORPG’s apparently serve a growing need for a wide range of participants.  Offering people potential outlets for learning, and communicating about sex without shared physical concerns, or confines. 

2.  Cybersex, for the most part, is safe sex, yes?  This limited discussion being focused on the gaming itself, and cyber relations within---prior to, or in substitute of any outside communication or relationship potentially formed between gamers.  Since ‘players’ are likely secluded when partaking in MMORPG sex---when considering disease, assaults, or unwanted pregnancies, what are the risks?

3.  How will cyber-gaming sex influence the emotional health of citizens?  Obvious concerns being, if people are essentially self-gratifying (masturbating) while watching, playing, and participating in video games, what unconscious messages does this send to the gamer, as to his or her focus of desire, self-esteem, or self-worth?  On a grander scale, how (spare inside gaming world jokes, and comments…), will citizens who participate for decades in cyber-gaming sex integrate, and interact with others?

4.  Cybersex knows no boundaries.  MMORPG’s can be played by gamers the entire world over.  If one has the access to computers, electricity (or battery power), and the software… it’s game on!  Creating an opportunity, albeit in a hyper-competitive, hyper-sexual virtual environment, to connect with people of all ages, all nationalities, and diverse economic backgrounds from around the globe.

5.  Will keylogging, and/or spyware play a role?  Concerns about privacy, and unwarranted profiteering by third party groups must be a concern in the world of Cybersex in MMORPG’s, as it is every where else in society these days, no?

            With an unfortunate common setting, even in MMORPG’s, for sexual exploration in-the-dark… “deep in the woods, in the corners of unpopulated towns, and under the ocean…” so to speak; one wonders if the cybersex trend is something that will help, or hinder the development of healthy sexual identities for citizens?

            Is sexual experimentation via gaming a good thing?  Can exploration of sex in an online environment do anything but enhance gamers’ knowledge of sex, sexuality, gender, and of self?  Notwithstanding some of the concerns shared by Valkyrie (mistells, age concerns...), it appears that cyber-gaming sex may play a large role in global sexual development for generations to come.

SOURCES:

Kimmel, et al;  Sexualities:  Identities, Behaviors, and Society.  Second Edition.  New York:  Oxford University Press.  2004-15.  Print.

PHOTO:

JBuk, stock.

What's the Plan?

          Toward the bottom of page 283 of Justin Lehmiller’s textbook (The Psychology of Human Sexuality, 2014), a comment is made in chapter 11 on Sexually Transmitted Infections.  Within a segment focused on introducing some information on gonorrhea, specifically.  It is the latter part of the sentence, more so than the subject matter, that this student finds disturbing;

                        “…at the same time, drug manufacturers have very few

                        new antibiotics in the pipeline, in large part because they

                        are relatively unprofitable to produce at this time.”

            This type of revelation is in one instance, comforting (honesty), yet in so many ways it is thoroughly disappointing.  Is human health care important, any longer?  Are the substantial pains and sufferings of humans within this capitalist system essentially rendered irrelevant, or unimportant?  How can a system that has a hand in creating said conditions, turn a blind eye to the anguish, and torment of the citizens it is theoretically, set up to serve?  For a few measly extra bucks??

            The Lehmiller text shares that in the United States alone, there are “approximately 320,000 new cases” of gonorrhea each year.  

            Would finding a cure, or advanced treatment options, for a disease that generates (& regenerates) such a strong per annum ‘customer base,’ prove enticing to companies with eyes primarily focused on balance sheets, and/or profit-and-loss statements?  Is it really all about the money?  What happened to serving one’s fellow (hu)man?  Perhaps more importantly, how will this ugly hyper-materialistic reality shift toward a more public-spirited state?

            This student is left with more questions than answers.  And, imagines that there must be some way, some how, to inform, and influence citizens, with an aim to foster change.

            Michael Flood’s 2011 article in (Kimmel, et al) Sexualities: Identities, Behaviors, and Society, is focused on violence against women and “the spectrum of prevention”; yet does a wonderful job outlining steps necessary to begin what one imagines may provide a ‘universal’ plan for intervention, regardless of the social malady.  Flood’s steps:

                        1.  Strengthening individual knowledge and skills. 

                        2.  Promoting community education

                        3.  Educating providers

                        4.  Engaging, strengthening, and mobilizing communities.

                        5.  Changing

                        6.  Influencing policies and legislation

            Can a ‘plan’ such as Flood’s help enable a shift in drug manufacturers, and health care providers’ working patterns with patients? 

            If, the knowledge of above mentioned ‘out-of-balance’ socio-economic situations were spread (half as fast as gonorrhea…) throughout the nation, with increasing levels of community education, (billboard?) advertising, and media promotions, simultaneously… that might start the ball-a-rollin.’ 

           

            If health care providers had more of a choice, or say, in what types of treatments their patient base required… and were encouraged to speak up, and speak out... 

            If drug representatives were, for instance, discouraged from actively ‘hyper-hocking’ all the bright and shiny new products---with the (hidden) juicy spiffs, & big fat bonuses attached---and instead provided more of a conduit, or resource that doctors and practitioners could use to facilitate treatment and healing… 

            If pro-health, and pro-humanity (rather than pro-business) groups could find strong voice, and become visible---sharing some of the ugly truths with the masses about how and why treatments are, or are not available…

            Perhaps, some type of positive change, and movement toward more humanitarian care efforts may unfold.     

SOURCES:

Kimmel, et al;  Sexualities:  Identities, Behaviors, and Society.  Second Edition.  New York:  Oxford University Press.  2004-15.  Print.

Lehmiller, Justin J.;  The Psychology of Human Sexuality.  West Sussex, UK:  Wiley Blackwell.  2014.  Print.

PHOTO:

JBuk, stock.

Female Sexual Dysfunction

            I used to hear the term sexual dysfunction, and automatically thought of erectile dysfunction in men and pharmaceutical wonders such as Viagra. After reading our textbooks, I became aware of so many other sexual dysfunctions and became interested in the lack of knowledge I had on female sexual dysfunctions. So after seeing the relatively new commercial on the drug Osphena, I wanted to learn a bit more on how women can be affected sexually from aging. 

            Osphena is an oral medication, which helps in the relief of painful sex for women who are postmenopausal. I was delighted to see a commercial of older females who are positively depicted sexually. We often see commercials for drugs helping the sexual dysfunctions of men like Viagra and Cialis, yet their hasn’t been much information in the media regarding sexual problems with women.

            Erectile dysfunction is widely discussed and is an obvious physical indicator of a potential problem.  Many of us probably know that ED is lacking the ability to have, or sustain an erection. But what about women and the sexual problems they too face with aging? Hormones are the driving force for women and their sexual lives. When a woman menopause, the hormone estrogen decreases significantly and that in turn causes physical changes to the vagina. Lack of lubrication and tissue changes in the vagina can cause penetration to be painful and uncomfortable. There is such a huge debate on whether or not a woman can be truly diagnosed as having a sexual dysfunction. Outlines on what qualifies as a dysfunction in women are constantly being changed and challenged.

            I was surprised after reading the article on female sexual dysfunction according to the Harvard Health Publications website. There is not an overall consensus of what constitutes a true dysfunction in women sexually. If men can experience changes to their bodies sexually from aging, shouldn’t the physical changes in women be equally studied and recognized? The only agreeable factor in diagnosing female sexual dysfunction is that the sexual problem addressed must cause considerable stress to the woman.

            I’m not sure if sex and our bodies are widely discussed with our health care professionals. Some questions and concerns can be embarrassing for people to openly discuss. The Opshena website encourages open communication with our health providers and to speak up if intercourse is painful. From reading our textbooks and seeing the stigma against aging people and sex, I think this great step in the direction of positive thinking about sex and the aging population. This new drug shows that the health and satisfaction of women in their sexual lives are being recognized.

References:

http://www.health.harvard.edu/newsweek/what_is_female_sexual_dysfunction.htm

http://www.menopause.org/for-women/sexual-health-menopause-online/sexual-problems-at-            midlife/decreased-desire

http://www.osphena.com/vagina-due-to-menopause

Health as Sex Education?

I don’t know how you learned about sex, but I don’t remember my teachers or parents talking about it in great detail. In High School I carried around a sack of flour one year took care of an egg the next. In Middle School, I attended a Christian School and there was no mention of it at all, and in Elementary school, I vaguely remember the teachers splitting up the boys and girls and there was a video of some sort, but I can’t tell you what it was about. At the age of 10, I was away from home with a group of people from the church, and I woke up to blood all over the bed I was sleeping in. I was frightened and believed I was dying, only to discover that this was a normal experience that would occur monthly. My mom said she was going to talk to me about it when I came back from my trip, but it was too late. I would venture to say, that waiting to have productive conversations with children about sex and everything it entails, happens far too often. 

A few months ago, I was taking my 13 year old, my 3 year old, and my 12 year old nephew to get a snack from the gas station. I asked my daughter to buckle my 3 year old in. She said, “The seat belt is too tight, it’s going to hurt his penis.” My nephew gasped loudly and looked at me, “She said penis.” I replied, “Yes. That’s what it’s called.” A little taken aback by his response, I asked him if he took sex ed. He looked at me and said, “You mean health? Yeah, I take health at my school.” Yikes. He attends the same school as my daughter and a few months ago, I asked her what they taught in her school about sex and she told me that she could catch a disease from holding someone’s hand. This is not good. I thought I had given her more information than that. She’s going to learn from her teachers as well as from me, however I feel it is my responsibility to set the record straight, which I did. But I wondered… Why do we approach the topic of sex under the guise of health? In my opinion, Health and Sex Education are two completely different topics of study.

So I Googled health. A bunch of sites and images relating to fitness, nutrition, and disease, popped up. I Googled sex education and articles about sex relating to teens and young adults popped up. What does that tell me? Sex education is primarily taught at a middle school, high school level, when children are beginning or in the stages of puberty, and we should be teaching Sex Education as a course independent from health. Although they certainly overlap in terms of content, they are fundamentally different ideas in our society.

Comprehensive Sex Education covers a wide range of topics relating to sexuality from identity and gender roles to reproduction, sexual orientation and masturbation. It seems to me that comprehensive sex education provides students with relevant information concerning sexual identity, gender identity, contraception options and more. Abstinence-only programs leave out valuable, necessary information concerning sex and approach sex in a negative way, by focusing on the risks of unsafe sex and teaching that sex should happen only when in a heterosexual, monogamous relationship and in the confines of marriage.

So why is health the broad term under which students learn about their sexuality? Is this because society is still uncomfortable with sex? Are educator’s uncomfortable teaching sex? The need for practical, relevant information regarding sex is desired by teens and young adults, and I would venture to say, probably most adults in general!

What is the standard in Alaska for sex education? There isn't one exclusively concerning sex. The standards for Alaska cover health related topics and can be found at http://education.alaska.gov/standards/pdf/standards.pdf. So parents, teachers, it’s up to us. Our children will learn about sex from someone or something. Let’s talk about it!

 References:

http://health.howstuffworks.com/sexual-health/sexuality/sex-education-dictionary.htm

http://www.plannedparenthood.org/educators/implementing-sex-education

http://education.alaska.gov/standards/pdf/standards.pdf

http://m.huffpost.com/us/entry/5669607

Domestic Violence

Domestic Violence and Sexual Assault

          A few months ago I began working at a women’s shelter for victims of domestic violence and sexual assault. With safety and confidentiality concerns in mind, I will not speak to any specifics about the program; however, I will speak to the affects this new position is having on me.

          Before this position, I remember hearing service announcements about the high rates of domestic violence and sexual assault in Alaska, but it wasn't really something that caused me alarm. I just accepted it as statistics. But now, those radio ads are no longer faceless. Upon beginning my position I soon realized that I recognized the individuals that were coming to the shelter; I have seen previous co-workers, as well as former parents from the childcare's that I have worked in. Not only that, I have come to the realization that I too have personal experience with domestic violence and sexual assault; yet, I simply hadn't classified my experiences as such. 

          Following this realization I have begun to wonder why had I not considered my own experiences to be in this realm of violence? Therein lies a large issue with Domestic Violence; if I can’t see that there is something wrong with my situation, why would I try to get out? And even if I had realized that there was a problem, what would that have 

Here is a 15 minute documentary of a Domestic Violence 911 response

done for me? Would that have helped me get out, being a young adult without knowledge of services for help? The problem is that many individuals have little to no knowledge about the pervasiveness of domestic violence or what to do about it, even when we are aware that exists. There are also many misconceptions about domestic violence and sexual assault. Hopefully I will be able to shed some light here.

This image was taken from the Alaska Network of Domestic Violence and Sexual Assault Website at http://www.andvsa.org which is
a great resource concerning domestic violence education, prevention and related resources that are specific to Alaska. 

Domestic Violence Basics

          We commonly hear about domestic violence in relation to a man abusing a women, yet domestic violence does not occur in a clear cut fashion as this example suggests. There are many forms of domestic violence. Men and women can both be perpetrators and victims of men or women. For instance a woman may be a perpetrator of a man or a woman, the same way a man may be a perpetrator of a women or a man. The violence that occurs does not occur in a typical fashion either. Stereotypically we imagine someone who is a victim of ongoing violence, but in some cases the violence may be an isolated incident. That is not to say that a one incident is any less important, though, because in some cases these incidents may lead to death.

Four Types of Individual Partner Violence

Following are terms from an article by Michael P. Johnson that looks at the different types of relationship formats that domestic violence occurs within in relation to gender (2006).

Intimate Terrorism: Occurs when there is one perpetrator who is violent and controlling and one victim who is not violent or controlling within a relationship.

This is the type of violence that we typically hear of in which men are most often the perpetrators with women being the victim. Although this is frequently the case women can be perpetrators of intimate terrorism against their partner as well.

Violent resistance: Occurs when there is a partner who becomes violent as a result of the violence and control they experience from their partner.

In this type of violence women are often the ones who inflict violence, without control, while men typically exert violence and control. Again, that is not to say that the tables cannot be turned the other way around; I am simply trying to describe what is typical.

Mutual Violent Control: In this type of violence both partners use violence and control in their relationship.

This type of violence occurs equally between genders.

Situational Couple Violence: In this type of domestic violence, violence occurs by one partner, without controlling aspects. The other partner may be violent without control, or they may be controlling but not violent.  

In cases like this men are only slightly more likely to be the perpetrator.

Four Types of Individual Partner Violence Chart

	PARTNER 1		PARTNER 2
	Violent	Controlling	Violent	Controlling
Intimate Terrorism	yes	yes	no	no
Violent Resistance	yes	yes	yes	no
Mutual Violent Control	yes	yes	yes	yes
Situational Couple Violence	yes	no	yes	no
			no	yes

Hopefully the distinctions regarding of the different types of partner violence were not too confusing. Either way, I hope what is visible is how domestic violence occurs with different circumstances; there are different types which are not as gender based as we typically imagine or see in the media. 

Types of Abuse

         Domestic Violence occurs in many forms, including physical, sexual and emotional violence. Physical violence can include hitting, pushing, pinching, choking, etc... basically any form of unwanted physical touch. Physical violence also includes violence against objects or pets. Sexual Abuse can involve forcible sex, yet, coercion or intimidation that makes someone fearful to say no is also included. Emotional Violence may be taken for granted because it occur without physical harm, yet, it involves, manipulation, isolation and intimidation. It is a tactic used to employ power and control  which can cause a victim to believe that they are the reason for their perpetrators actions. Other forms of domestic violence involve using a persons at risk status for control. For instance individuals with mental imparements, those with immigration status or other economic or social disadvanteged individuals may be targets for perpetrators. 

Domestic Violence is something that remains unseen for various reasons. Individuals may have grown up with violence and believe it is normal in their adult relationships. The public may dismiss it, with individuals being afraid to overstep their bounds. Families and individuals may keep it hidden for fear of embarrassment. Whatever the reason may be, domestic violence is something that is hurting many families in our society. If you know someone who may need help, please seek help it is out there. No one should have to live in fear. 

Resources for Domestic Violence

The National Domestic Violence Hotline 1-800-799-7233

The Domestic Violence Helpline for Men and Women 1-888-7HELPLINE or1-888-743-5754

References

Laing, L., Humphreys, C., & Cavanagh, K. (2013). Social work and domestic violence. 

          London: Sage. 

Forms of Abuse. (n.d.). The National Network to End Domestic Violence Retrieved August

         14, 2014. http://nnedv.org/resources/stats/gethelp/formsofabuse.html

Smith, M. & Segal,J. (2014). Domestic violence and abuse: Signs of abuse and abusive 

          relationships. Helpguide.
               http://www.helpguide.org/mental/domestic_violence_abuse_types_signs_causes_effects.htm

Johnson, M.P., (2006). Conflict and control: Gender symmetry and asymmetry in 

          domestic violence. Violence Against Women, 12(11), 1003-1018. 

          http://dx.doi.org/10.1177/107780120629332

Sex After Infidelity

            When a partner cheats it often means the end of a relationship, but if a couple decides to stay together they will need to work together to rebuild their connection and sexual intimacy. Brandon Grittini reports that “82% of marriages affected by an affair actually have happier couples after the affair,” because the affair reveals problems in the relationship that the couple then can work on. Recovery from an affair and becoming sexual again will take time and it is important that both partners understand that it may take a while before they are ready to be intimate with each other, but if sexual intimacy can not be regain it may kill the relationship. Dr. Tammy Nelson suggests that healing from an affair should allow couples to become erotically and intimately connected again. She stresses that the victim of the affair should not feel pressured to engage in sex again right away or try to use sex to hold on to their partner. She encourages couples to be open and communicate their feelings and to talk about ways that each partner is ready to be physical again, such as hugging, kissing and cuddling, which taken as a slow process will help the couple to build back up to sexual intimacy. “Working together to make sex feel positive and sensual will create [their] erotic recovery, and a new, more intimate relationship with one another will follow.”

            Denise Charles also offers some tips to help a relationship recover from an affair if a couple chooses to stay together. She advises the victim of an affair to admit their pain to their partner if they plan to “experience great sex again without feeling victimized.” To get pass an affair, a person should not blame herself or himself for the affair or focus on thoughts of their partner with another. One should not compare oneself to their partner’s lover, but instead should focus on their relationship now and how to improve their love life with their partner. Both partners must accept that the relationship has changed and accept that the affair is in the past and can’t be changed, and must agree to cooperate and agree to be open and honest in the future. Forgiveness and healing are necessary for a relationship to thrive after infidelity and can lead to greater communication and intimacy, which will allow for greater sexual passion and physical intimacy after the affair. Grittini encourages couples to work on being good friends and rebuilding trust before they enjoy sexual love again. He also advises couples to not focus on orgasms when they become sexual again after an affair, but to instead focus on mutual pleasure and their connection. “The essence of sex after infidelity is to re-create the trust [a partner] once had, and learn to be more open about [their] feelings.”

Charles, Denise- http://www.hitchedmag.com/article.php?id=1227

Grittini, Brandon- http://www.absexuality.com/marriage-articles/secret-affairs-sex-after-infidelity-590134.html

Nelson, Tammy- http://www.huffingtonpost.com/tammy-nelson-phd/sex-after-affair_b_2459352.html